Songs not Words

I've been quiet lately. That doesn't mean nothing has been going on actually far from it. Medicines have changed I don't even know how many times and life has been dark and hard. The meds I'm on now help with the racing thoughts, but they slow them down so much that it is really hard to write. I've sat down with intentions of writing several times to come up with only a few words to say. So, since that is the case I decided to use songs to try to communicate what I'm feeling and where I'm at.

So, here goes...
Creed- Third Day

This is the apostles creed. I remember hearing this song for the first time and already knowing most of the words it was surreal. Anyways, this is the basics, and when I don't want anything to do with God, don't believe he is good this reminds me. 'I believe in a life that never ends.'

Worn- Tenth Ave North

I get this song, I get what it's saying. I'm tired of fighting, breathing some days takes so much effort that's about all that happens, yet i want to hope, i want to know all this pain will end someday. I have lost the will to fight, to do anything, to move.


Now for a change of pace:
In The End- Linkin Park

I've tried hard, I've tried to hold on hiding what's really going on inside of me when I'm out. but in reality In the end it doesn't matter, I've fallen so far, it's all in pieces and it feels like all the effort I've made doesn't matter, it doesn't make a difference I'll fail anyways why try.



Numb- Linkin Park

I've tried, I can't do it. every step, everything I try to do ends up being a mistake, making things worse than they were before. I feel like the girl in this video, I'm different and the world continues to move regardless of what I do. The girl has emotion at the end, not me, not when I am at the point of getting this song, I feel numb and have been told my eyes look dead.

Crawling -Linkin Park

These wounds will not heal... but I get these lyrics too, like all of them, unfortunately...  These are my angry songs and that's what they sound like too so it fits...

ok one more from Linkin Park... I guess I really get their songs...
Papercut- Linkin Park

The thoughts in my head overwhelm me, even right now thoughts aren't racing but they are intense and hard to move past. and i'm always watching my back, everywhere all the time. I have an exaggerated startle reflex and it's not fun since it sends me into panic attacks sometimes.


But then I have family, friends and a church that does this.
Pray you through- Sixteen Cities

I'm out of words, everything has fallen in, I'm crushed. but they let me cry, not say anything, and tell the ugly truth and respond with truth.

So maybe... this is where
Healing Begins- Tenth Ave North

This song meant a lot to me the last time I was having a hard time. Now I listen to it but I can't see any healing or progress being made so, I like it but...

I guess that's enough for now, I could continue on but this is already a really long post if you listen to the songs.. (or even just read the lyrics).

This week I'm going to try something I've never done before to try to get at least a little better, out of this hole i'm in. My psychiatrist prescribed it but it's not medicine.  I'll eventually say more about it once I know more and have tried it. My friends have also been doing research for me (because I'm not doing anything looking or trying) presenting me with a few more options of different things to try that I've never done before but study's show promise.