Processing...

Sunday's phone interview was not fun. I had to talk about stuff I'd rather never talk about ever again and talk about how I am, where I'm at and how it looks and physical reactions. All in all not fun, exhausting and discouraging. At the end of the call the lady on the other end said it really sounds like you need to be here so we will work on getting you here as soon as possible.

After several days of processing what is happening and the likely hood that I will be going to Chicago I'm finally ok with it. I didn't want to go because it felt like I was being sent away and that I didn't really have a choice. I do have the choice and this is what we believe would help me the most, not that I want to go now, I'm just ok with it now.  Insurance has confirmed that I have coverage for this but I have to be pre-certified now.

In the mean time I've had friends let me talk and cry with them and listen to really uncomfortable conversations with with the admissions people at Timberline and most importantly they've prayed for me. From what I was told yesterday I was probably going to be going over today. Well that didn't happen. They are waiting for records to be sent, I had to sign releases so everyone can talk to everyone else and of course there was a hiccup in that process. So this morning at 8:30 I was called and told that I'd have an answer from insurance this morning or early afternoon. That didn't happen either. Once records are received then they can call in insurance company. So for the last two days I've been told that insurance will likely approve it so be ready to go, they have a space open for me now. So I'm packed, ready to go whenever I'm cleared. But two days later I'm still home.

I've learned that I won't have internet access but I can do snail mail and maybe calls. After some period of time I can have visitors during certain hours. I don't know any of the details of these things at this point.

Friends from near and far have been praying and giving me words of encouragement that really are encouraging. So as I wait I am choosing to trust that God is sovereign and He knew I needed this time to be ok with going and to receive prayer and these words of wisdom from my wise friends. I love them and I'm so very thankful they love me. One friend sent this to me:

"Psalm 62:8    
    Trust in him at all times, O people;
    God is a refuge for us. 
    pour out your heart before him; 

 I love that the psalmist here puts both crying out and trusting the same verse. I think sometime Christians can be tempted to think/suggest that if we are trusting then we won't be crying out, or if we are crying out then we must not be trusting. But here the psalmist expresses that we can do both -- both trust and cry out, because God is our refuge, both a refuge in that He comforts us (the way a father with a child should be a refuge) and in that He protects us."

This was helpful for me because I'm crying out, and I'm trying to trust.

Now, I'm trying to not be anxious but patiently wait.