What's Next

I wanted to let people know what's going on.  I didn't really know what to say until I had some answers. I have some now so, here we go:

I'm home from residential treatment. Insurance only covered me for a week there and at the end of that week I didn't meet their criteria for that level of care so I'm home. I thought that I would be going back to the same place at a lower level but it hasn't seemed to work out over the past couple weeks.
I talked to my psychiatrist about what to do and she though a partial hospitalization program would be the next best step. I already did the one here in town and didn't find it to be helpful at all so we were looking to see if there was a more specialized one at the University of Iowa. Well, after a week and a half they never called me or my dr's offices many calls to them so we have no idea what's going on there or if it would even be helpful.

My brother and sister in law have offered for me to stay at their house and do a partial program in Milwaukee. The hospital just does psychiatric care and they have lots of specialized programs so I wouldn't be lumped into groups that wouldn't necessarily benefit from. It's the best option we have and most cost effective on us. Insurance shouldn't be a problem with this and I have a place to stay for a couple months. The only down side right now is that there is a two to three week waiting period because it is full. I'm still not doing well and life is hard so that's a long time to not have the help (especially since I've already gone two weeks) I need but at the same time it's not forever. Another advantage to this program is I will be able to be with my boys on the weekends. It ends at 2:30 every day so I will be able to drive home and see them. I will also have my phone and access to email and such which will be nice.

I am disappointed that I'm not on the down hill part of recovery like i think i may have been if I was able to stay at residential but at least now there is some direction. The residential treatment left me worse off than when I had gone in, talking over my history and trauma opened wounds up but there wasn't time to work on them. I had so many panic attacks while I was there and I also didn't sleep well. It was REALLY hard being there. So, I've been coloring a lot to help keep me calm and not going very many places or talking to anyone because I don't know what to say. I wasn't supposed to be home and I'm not ok, it wasn't like I was going away for fun. So, I'm here and if you'd like to contact me or email me I will be able to respond now. Thank you to the friends that sent me letters and gifts to help me through this time, I appreciate it more than you could know.