Being Real

     This isn't my first battle with depression and anxiety. This time, however, I've been more honest and open with my church family and others I'm around.  There is a freedom in being honest, it means I no longer have to hide. I don't have to pretend to be ok or have it all together and for the most part people have been loving and helpful.  I have friends that have gone through another tough time with me and when seeing it starting again didn't hesitate in helping. Newer friends that I didn't have years ago haven't been  scared away in fact their willingness to learn and help gives me hope.
     Being real and talking about hard stuff together isn't easy, but having people walking with me makes it bearable. I struggle with self worth and shame, among other things, and I'm able to share the lies that go through my head with confidence that they will give me biblical truths to fight them.  They are also willing and have pushed through the walls that I have built and continually try to put back up. It's not easy being my friend when stuff gets hard. I never imagined that I would be able to speak about the darkest moments and darkest thoughts that go through my head and not be abandoned.  I always thought that people would hear them and say 'forget this' because that's what had happened before.
     So, since my friends stuck with me the last time I decided to try to be more open with the church in general this time. I have found acceptance, love, support, and willingness to learn  mixed with a little confusion.  I'm thankful for my church being what a church is supposed to be.  I'm thankful for the friends that I can share anything with that won't be scared away and those that don't expect me to be anything other than me.
     I'm also thankful for 10th Avenue North, that may sound weird but some of their songs have been quiet helpful. From the lyrics of the songs they have written I can tell that they or someone they are close to have been through hard times. Their song 'Healing Begins' hits what it's like to be depressed. From trying to hit it to trying to let someone in to finding someone to help pick up the pieces.  Their song 'Worn' speaks to the seemingly endless battle and where our eyes should be focused.  Some other songs have helped too but these stand out. If you haven't heard them here are links to videos with lyrics.

Worn
Healing Begins

Thank you to the friends who speak truth into and help me fight for my life.