Stigma

*This was written before the last post but I knew it wouldn't make sense without some history.*

 Why does the current American Christian culture make mental health so taboo? I do realize that our church is an exception to this generalization and I am beyond thankful for that. But, even still we didn't tell the church in general I was in the hospital, only those who asked or really know what's going on have that knowledge. why? Is it because Christians shouldn't ever get to that point? Or you can't see it like you can cancer so it must not be real? I don't know. What I do know is that I am on facebook and I wouldn't dare say anything about it on there for fear of people being mean, intended or not, and most of my friends would call themselves christian. Actually I'm more afraid of the Christians than the non Christians, they see to understand suffering more. So I feel like in America right now Christians can only suffer things that can be seen even if it's only microscopically it can still be seen. Since depression and anxiety can't be seen it must not be a true sickness. If I had a choice do you think I'd be doing this I'd be like this? If I could will myself out of being sad and afraid wouldn't that make life easier? I know that God created our minds to be very powerful and able to think on things that are very complex but we live in a fallen world. So many other things hamper humans that are acceptable whether it be a limb that doesn't work like it should or having an enlarged heart that limits what one can do physically. Why is it when the brain doesn't quite work correctly or has been traumatized that there's something we don't acknowledge as being allowed. We live in a fallen world that makes everything stained in one way or another. Even plants and animals can be diseased so why not the brain? Why is it that only somethings that go wrong with the brain are acceptable but others not? (now speaking on general terms, the church in general)

 The stigma that is applied to depression and anxiety it's labeled as sin* and is evidence that you aren't trusting God enough to handle your problems. Doesn't it then become a faith of works rather than faith and hope in what He has already accomplished? Why is it not allowed? I have no answer but I do know that it means suffering in silence. Less for me this time than last but silence none the less. I'm thankful for great friends who came to the locked down crazy part of the hospital to brighten my day and show me support because I saw others who never had anyone come visit. I don't know what it's like to see someone in there because I've always been the one in there being visited but I know even for me with great supportive friends I have learned it hurts so much to get your hopes up that someone will be coming then finding visiting hours end and no one has come that I didn't expect anyone to come. So on the flip side when I was told I either had a phone call or a visitor that I was to truly thankful that someone would take the time to come see me and spend some time with me when I was hurting the most, or remember to call to see how the day had gone.

 So, how do you start tearing down the walls of stigma that surround depression, PTSD, anxiety, and suicide? One person at a time, one pastor at a time, one church at a time. Maybe if it's talked about more it won't be so scary when encountered but can be dealt with in a helpful manner. I shared my depression cartoon on facebook and it was received alot better than I expected; in fact I don't think I had any negative comments though I did preface it with Thumper's famous quote from Bambi... It took so much effort to do and look 'normal' or 'ok' that I used up all the energy I had when I should have been using it to fight the depression and anxiety. God will continue to give me the strength to fight these battles and I know the hospital is available if I feel like I can't fight any more, but what if someone thinks that's not an option? I don't want to ever go to the hospital again, I mean you read what my last 20 hours were like but, even as crazy as they were I know I will be safe there and they wouldn't allow me to take the easy way out. I know it needs to be talked about more I know Christians in general need better education when it come to this area. I feel so much shame when it comes to this but I know shame is made bigger and scarier until light is shown on it. I know that in the hospital when I had to make the choice is the God someone whom I believe in, honestly really truly believe in and hope in or not I had to speak up. I couldn't sit there with the question on the table of what is the gospel or good news to you and be silent. I couldn't, I believe this God is great and His name should be proclaimed even in the psych ward at the rock bottom, His name, His truth had to be proclaimed. I would have no reason for living if I didn't have hope in God, He is my rock (even if it's at the bottom of the pit) and my salvation is assured in what Jesus accomplished on the cross. Apparently I had to land in the hospital to find out if that's what I truly believed. I'm thankful for that tool I'm thankful I'm still alive I pray for those who heard the gospel that morning and I pray that more Christians will gain a better understanding of all this ugly stuff so those who are experiencing it don't have to suffer in silence.

 Thank you to those who have and are walking through the trenches with me.

 *Disclaimer: I do realize that momentary depression and anxiety can be a result of sin like discontentment and unholy fear. It is not that to which I am referring. I am referring to a state of being that isn't a fleeting feeling. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, recurrent severe, without psychosis and PTSD. That is what I can speak to as that is what I know.