I've been writting...

My last twenty or so hours in the hospital were quite anxiety producing and BLUF I didn't have any panic attacks yay So what all happened... I was sitting in the back corner of the day room and one of the nurses came up to me and told me they were going to change my room because they needed the bed I was in. So I went from the quietest room in the place to the loudest. the unit door opening and closing over and over every waking moment and that door e was heavy so it shook the walls of my room and of course I had the bed closest to the door (yay more fears being hit), but I realized that this was out of my control I could do nothing to change this and freaking out doesn't change the fact that I would now have the first bed right inside the psych unit doors. I dealt with those emotions and feeling and anxiety by writing and as I'm writing the social worker comes up and stays talking to me about being discharged but I'm still visibly upset by someone sitting right next to me so we talked through that a bit and that helped calm me down (yay for distractions). Aaron had stopped by during early visiting hours so that he could see me before he picked up the boys, that was a great distraction and welcome break too. I was then ok till after dinner, the only time I spent in my room that afternoon was to shower so I didn't have any problems with roommates or banging doors. After dinner though one of the elderly ladies on the unit gets loud and repeatedly yells thing over and over and over again and she was doing this quite loudly and the door was still going a lot so I went to the only other area I could which was down a back hallway. I though I'd found the perfect place, no one was there and I could just quietly look out the window and relax. Nope, another patient whom I had avoided have any real conversations with followed me and started a conversation with "Casey I need your phone number", I asked why and she said you see what they're doing here they're trying to poison us give us all these drugs and make it so we can't think our do anything. Conspiracy theorist yes she is, I told her that I didn't believe that's what they were doing and that I believed that they were truly trying to help us get better. She said well god created us with these prefect minds that don't need drugs to operate. I said we live in a fallen sinful world that isn't prefect anymore and I have a genetic predisposition toward depression and life events that gave me PTSD. She asked what and I told her and then she started telling me disgusting things her ex husband did to foster kids while in her care and kept getting closer and closer to me and I calmly had to tell her twice that she was too close and needed to back up which the second time she did. Then we talked about how she said only oils and herbs were things that she would use and I said God created smart people that have developed these drugs to help people and but oils and herbs are great too but they don't always fix the problem. She disagreed and got distracted by a nurse; who she thought was always going through her stuff; and left me alone. A good friend stopped in to see me before Bible study and helped me once again be distracted and calm down. Then I told my nurse about the confrontation and he told me that she was manic and not taking her medicine and if she was told to not do something she'd do the opposite. She wasn't doing anything to me at the moment so he just chilled in the back corner with me. The rest of the evening went by alright I worked on a puzzle that had at least 5 pieces to other puzzles mixed in and went to bed around 1030. I'm thankful that the traffic in and our of that door is at least slow at night so only the brightness of the hall light woke me up a few times when they came to check on us. However, early morning that door gets a workout starting at about 645... so by 715 I had given up any hope of sleeping anymore and a few minutes later they checked vitals and the dr. was there by 730 and told me what I should expect as far as when meds should start to fully take effect. So I got up and around and went to hang out in the day area until breakfast at 8. I had an omelet for breakfast and it was the best meal I had the whole time I was there but it was still powdered eggs, that can't hold anything to my backyard chickens. A bit later my nurse came and chilled by my table asking if i'd had anymore problems with the patient above I said no and asked if I had any questions about going home today. A few minutes later the patient from above came up and stayed going on about how great it was that I homeschooling my kids and I was just thankful my nurse was there and that could limit the things she would say and that she was on the other side of a 6 ft table. I then colored to pass the time until either group started or I was discharged. At one point when I was trying to get a hold of Aaron to come pick me up I was told it would be better if you stayed up in the day area and to have a staff member escort me to my room if I needed something from there. Apparently my roommate was very upset and that was proved by my nurse and I getting briefly yelled at when we walked in the door to get my stuff out of the room so I could be ready to go. So, while the hospital stay was needed it was becoming more stressful and anxiety producing than being home.